i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
