hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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