There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
