I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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