i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
this hospital has no fireball
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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