I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize