what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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