Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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