i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize