1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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