so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
