wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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