sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
