I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
