i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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