I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
