so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
