do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize