Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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