ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
