WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
