Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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