i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
