end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We got so high we made milksteak
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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