so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
