Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
