nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
