At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
