Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
