After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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