i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
