Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
