You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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