I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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