have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
