Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
