After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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