i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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