Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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