your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
