so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
