my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
