Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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