Me. At least after what I've been through.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
