12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
