Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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