I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
