the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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