they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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