Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
