So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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