Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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