Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
