We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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