You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
