There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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