If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
