i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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