Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
