I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
