Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
