a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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