So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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