I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
