Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
