Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
