i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize