You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
