Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
