He disabled his match.com account in front of me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
