She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
