im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
