I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
