I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
