So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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