it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
