it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
