do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
