I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
