I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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